Continuation of An Unfortunate Theme

What is with the recurring poop theme of this past week?! I settled in for a lazy evening of bad television and flipping through magazines, while consuming as many Swedish Fish as I possibly could (I know, you expected far more, but such as it is). The worst thing I thought I would hear tonight was that McCain's numbers were continuing to rise with the help of that rare Alaskan Dingbat, who flew mightily down from her dank, pitiless cave in an effort to save him from the clutches of the devil himself. Not to be.

Instead, out of the blue, I hear about this guy who shot his wife to death, and who also happened to have a nasty habit of asking his now-dead wife to poop in his mouth on a regular basis, and who would, as these things go, proceed to make a meal out of it. Bleh. The best part of this delicate presentation was the unlikely narrator, a jarringly proper god-fearing woman resplendently coiffed in your average grandmother's hairdo, who actually articulated this less than savory bit of information to the reporter in a soft, lilting, southern drawl.

Well, what she actually said was, “He’d, you know, have her go to the bathroom in his mouth, and then he would eat it...” Did I mention that she was also wearing a pearl necklace. Wait – did I just say, WEARING A PEARL NECKLACE????

At least it got me to refrain from eating any more Swedish Fish tonight, or anything else for that matter.