Friday, October 10, 2008
Palin Family Hats - Sarah Palin's Hidden Passion For Meat
Don't fuck around, just go straight to the photo gallery.
http://hatsofmeat.com/
I bet she has matching pasties.
For her daughter.
http://hatsofmeat.com/
I bet she has matching pasties.
For her daughter.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Quiet Arrogance vs. Vitriolic Bitterness: The Presidential “Debate” or Weird, Unsatisfying Meal
PART I: Armchair Nutshell Review
Watching this debate was like going to Thanksgiving dinner and having all the wrong dishes prepared. Sure there were the requisite candied yams and a cute bowl of mixed nuts, but where was the green bean casserole? The mashed potatoes with cream cheese and garlic? The pickle platter? Crunchy and delicious stuffing? My inner child was furious, "Why are they serving tacos, Funyuns and Sour Patch Kids? What kind of Thanksgiving is this?!"
Oh wait, here comes the turkey – make that two.
PART II: Mean Thoughts and Upset Stomach Incurred By Watching Debate in Real Time or Superficial Character Assessment
I am so distressed and, lamenting my decision to watch the debate alone, have been calling my neighbor every eight minutes or so, to laugh, cry, vent, or vomit in sympathetic commiseration. Once my neighbor has gone to bed, I fear that I will become like one of those crazy seniles one sees hanging from the side of a tenement in their housecoat, as I inevitably resort to shouting my comments out the window to no one in particular.
Is it just me, or does McCain look more and more like a disgruntled hobbit, with his chronic wheezing and gasping, and the frantic waving of his stumpy, war-impaired arms (oh, I know, go ahead and hate me for saying anything that is remotely disparaging of a war veteran, or referencing war-incurred injuries at all in anything but a hushed and reverent tone, but come on, he started it by exploiting the subject shamelessly while stumping for the Presidency, which is in poor taste, and besides it has nothing to do with his arms being stumpy).
Sidebar: Please note that I am not demeaning his actual POW experience. Of course this was a life-defining event of which he should be proud. I hate disclaimers, but there you go, for what it's worth.
McCain reminds me increasingly of that cranky, elderly neighbor who just won’t shut up about all of the neighborhood slights he perceives, and insists on personalizing ad nauseum, and who then proceeds to incessantly bluster forth to all and sundry a repetitive and vile list of character assassinations that nobody wants to hear. McCain seems so removed from any current reality outside of his own personal political Disneyland, and so myopically attached to his long-ago military service and POW identity to the exclusion of all other benchmark moments of his life, that he has effectively cemented and walled himself up into a hermetic, intellectual bunker of self-imposed martyrdom. It is mighty unsettling to watch, as reality seems to have become a tenuous concept for him, and a potentially frightening one for us.
This particular fight for the Presidency has brought out a very unattractive side to the once heroic senator. He seems much more interested in spewing distaste and vitriol towards his rival then he does engaging in effective discourse and grave reflection regarding the disaster our beloved country has become. One almost gets the sense that McCain, like George Bush Jr. before him, is more invested in the fight and potential capture of the White House, then he is in actually hunkering down to lead us into the future with honesty, grace, and creative problem solving. Ever the military man, McCain seems much more comfortable losing himself amidst the tenets of war in pursuit of a victory at all costs, then he is exploring the more complex terrain of diplomacy, humility and the implementation of dynamic and achievable strategic ideas.
Sidebar: What the fuck is McCain doing? I am mesmerized. I only hope his private nurse is nearby. Where is the oxygen tank?! I need more near- beer and Twizzlers in order to continue watching this debacle.
For the love of God, could someone please give this geezer a cane??? It is so fucking distracting; he looks like a rabid monkey in its final death throes, jerking around the stage mercilessly, painfully. He blusters, he insults, he panics, he throws around his rhetoric and base dismissals with profligate disregard. The more difficult the questions, the more he limps and gimps like he’s working for all the cheese-covered popcorn and nickels that can fit into his basket; could someone please tell him that he can have as many candied apples and deep-fried sugary waffles that his dark heart desires, as long as he stops trying to simultaneously hump and beat to death the neighbor’s Pomeranian?! I am breathless. I am also quite certain that the final debate question will arrive accompanied by a convoluted pageantry of McCain being hauled out on a gurney, hooked up to a ventilator, and trying to pass off his final response as some kind of deathbed “last wishes.” This won’t work of course, because he is, after all, a vampire, albeit an elderly one. He is… The Accidental Vampire, and Sarah Palin is his blood-thirsty bride.
Sidebar: I would love to broach more debate-related issues of substance with intelligent candor, but since neither of the candidates saw fit to do this, then neither will I. Instead, I will return to my heretofore superficial observations of this knuckle-biting yet sleep-inducing debacle, which has now, mercifully, ended.
As distasteful as McCain has become, Obama has certainly not been perfect; his arrogance and intellectual superiority have been out on display in a rather unflattering light at times, like an elegant and well-rehearsed dance performed across an unlit stage. Particularly notable were Obama’s reactions when chastised for ignoring the basic “rules of the game” when moderator Tom Brocaw graciously attempted to rein in both unruly candidates with respect to the ever-diminishing time. Of course, McCain ignored these rules just as egregiously as Obama, but he managed to come across as more of an ignorant and impassioned hedgehog with a hyperactivity disorder, while Obama appeared to convey that he was simply more important than the rules, as well as Mr. Brocaw for that matter. It was insufferable.
Watching this debate was like going to Thanksgiving dinner and having all the wrong dishes prepared. Sure there were the requisite candied yams and a cute bowl of mixed nuts, but where was the green bean casserole? The mashed potatoes with cream cheese and garlic? The pickle platter? Crunchy and delicious stuffing? My inner child was furious, "Why are they serving tacos, Funyuns and Sour Patch Kids? What kind of Thanksgiving is this?!"
Oh wait, here comes the turkey – make that two.
PART II: Mean Thoughts and Upset Stomach Incurred By Watching Debate in Real Time or Superficial Character Assessment
I am so distressed and, lamenting my decision to watch the debate alone, have been calling my neighbor every eight minutes or so, to laugh, cry, vent, or vomit in sympathetic commiseration. Once my neighbor has gone to bed, I fear that I will become like one of those crazy seniles one sees hanging from the side of a tenement in their housecoat, as I inevitably resort to shouting my comments out the window to no one in particular.
Is it just me, or does McCain look more and more like a disgruntled hobbit, with his chronic wheezing and gasping, and the frantic waving of his stumpy, war-impaired arms (oh, I know, go ahead and hate me for saying anything that is remotely disparaging of a war veteran, or referencing war-incurred injuries at all in anything but a hushed and reverent tone, but come on, he started it by exploiting the subject shamelessly while stumping for the Presidency, which is in poor taste, and besides it has nothing to do with his arms being stumpy).
Sidebar: Please note that I am not demeaning his actual POW experience. Of course this was a life-defining event of which he should be proud. I hate disclaimers, but there you go, for what it's worth.
McCain reminds me increasingly of that cranky, elderly neighbor who just won’t shut up about all of the neighborhood slights he perceives, and insists on personalizing ad nauseum, and who then proceeds to incessantly bluster forth to all and sundry a repetitive and vile list of character assassinations that nobody wants to hear. McCain seems so removed from any current reality outside of his own personal political Disneyland, and so myopically attached to his long-ago military service and POW identity to the exclusion of all other benchmark moments of his life, that he has effectively cemented and walled himself up into a hermetic, intellectual bunker of self-imposed martyrdom. It is mighty unsettling to watch, as reality seems to have become a tenuous concept for him, and a potentially frightening one for us.
This particular fight for the Presidency has brought out a very unattractive side to the once heroic senator. He seems much more interested in spewing distaste and vitriol towards his rival then he does engaging in effective discourse and grave reflection regarding the disaster our beloved country has become. One almost gets the sense that McCain, like George Bush Jr. before him, is more invested in the fight and potential capture of the White House, then he is in actually hunkering down to lead us into the future with honesty, grace, and creative problem solving. Ever the military man, McCain seems much more comfortable losing himself amidst the tenets of war in pursuit of a victory at all costs, then he is exploring the more complex terrain of diplomacy, humility and the implementation of dynamic and achievable strategic ideas.
Sidebar: What the fuck is McCain doing? I am mesmerized. I only hope his private nurse is nearby. Where is the oxygen tank?! I need more near- beer and Twizzlers in order to continue watching this debacle.
For the love of God, could someone please give this geezer a cane??? It is so fucking distracting; he looks like a rabid monkey in its final death throes, jerking around the stage mercilessly, painfully. He blusters, he insults, he panics, he throws around his rhetoric and base dismissals with profligate disregard. The more difficult the questions, the more he limps and gimps like he’s working for all the cheese-covered popcorn and nickels that can fit into his basket; could someone please tell him that he can have as many candied apples and deep-fried sugary waffles that his dark heart desires, as long as he stops trying to simultaneously hump and beat to death the neighbor’s Pomeranian?! I am breathless. I am also quite certain that the final debate question will arrive accompanied by a convoluted pageantry of McCain being hauled out on a gurney, hooked up to a ventilator, and trying to pass off his final response as some kind of deathbed “last wishes.” This won’t work of course, because he is, after all, a vampire, albeit an elderly one. He is… The Accidental Vampire, and Sarah Palin is his blood-thirsty bride.
Sidebar: I would love to broach more debate-related issues of substance with intelligent candor, but since neither of the candidates saw fit to do this, then neither will I. Instead, I will return to my heretofore superficial observations of this knuckle-biting yet sleep-inducing debacle, which has now, mercifully, ended.
As distasteful as McCain has become, Obama has certainly not been perfect; his arrogance and intellectual superiority have been out on display in a rather unflattering light at times, like an elegant and well-rehearsed dance performed across an unlit stage. Particularly notable were Obama’s reactions when chastised for ignoring the basic “rules of the game” when moderator Tom Brocaw graciously attempted to rein in both unruly candidates with respect to the ever-diminishing time. Of course, McCain ignored these rules just as egregiously as Obama, but he managed to come across as more of an ignorant and impassioned hedgehog with a hyperactivity disorder, while Obama appeared to convey that he was simply more important than the rules, as well as Mr. Brocaw for that matter. It was insufferable.
Additionally, while Obama seemed to finally hit his stride after a couple of questions, his initial posturing when answering the very first question was disingenuously off-putting and disappointing. As toxic as McCain was, Obama held sole responsibility for setting the tone that carried throughout the remainder of the debate, which ultimately consisted of these two using and abusing any available aural space by filling it with blind rhetoric to the exclusion of all but their own proscribed talking points. Perhaps things would have gone that way regardless, but Obama had the floor first, and given his considerable charisma, eloquence, and natural air of authority, he could have led the debate in a different direction, encouraging a dialogue more clearly delineated by his honesty and intellect. It was also ridiculous that neither of them could offer one single name of a potential cabinet nominee. Well, other than the fantastical name dropping of Warren Buffet, or perhaps Santa Claus and Peter Pan. Since the Easter Bunny is already occupied in Great Britain quietly overseeing Parliament, at this point my vote is with Santa and his ever-dependable cabinet of adorable reindeer: Rudolph, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen.
Another thing: it was blatantly clear that the network airing the debate is unquestionably and publicly on Obama’s side. While this is certainly great news for Obama fans, did anyone else notice the "creative" lighting in effect? I wonder if Oprah lent them her lighting crew for the occasion (for those who don't know, she has the best lighting in the business). This would be very, very clever, because if Fox News had lent them their lighting people, then Obama would have either looked more completely black than is genetically possible for a human being, or completely invisible (which, for Fox’s audience really means the same thing). Not only was the lighting very flattering to the handsome Barack, but he also appeared magically and significantly less black; in fact, when the camera panned to include Obama, along with several white “undecided voters” in the background, all were inexplicably THE EXACT SAME COLOR - a sort of pale, tepid, cooked-pork-loin gray. Presumably Mr. Obama has not been employing the skin bleaching techniques of Michael Jackson of late, so it seems likely the network was "softening" his visage for the benefit of those frightened Americans still impaled on the last remaining fence of a thankfully decreasing racial divide.
Sidebar: Yes, Another Disclaimer: I deplore racism in all forms, including well-intentioned producers who decide to do things like this, even for a good cause.
Back to the “undecided voters” for a moment. I truly felt sympathy for these pale, hapless participants who looked more like audience members from a real-estate infomercial as they sat, stiffly clad in their middle-class office-wear, clammy hands clasped tightly in their laps, thin, tense lips pursed and beaded with sweat. They all appeared to have been kidnapped and held hostage, cleverly and quickly snatched from benign American street corners, and smuggled in wordlessly by the candidates’ respective vote-procurers. I am sure that upon their release, having witnessed this debate, they too will elect to skip Thanksgiving dinner this year. Bad memories.
"And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound."
Another thing: it was blatantly clear that the network airing the debate is unquestionably and publicly on Obama’s side. While this is certainly great news for Obama fans, did anyone else notice the "creative" lighting in effect? I wonder if Oprah lent them her lighting crew for the occasion (for those who don't know, she has the best lighting in the business). This would be very, very clever, because if Fox News had lent them their lighting people, then Obama would have either looked more completely black than is genetically possible for a human being, or completely invisible (which, for Fox’s audience really means the same thing). Not only was the lighting very flattering to the handsome Barack, but he also appeared magically and significantly less black; in fact, when the camera panned to include Obama, along with several white “undecided voters” in the background, all were inexplicably THE EXACT SAME COLOR - a sort of pale, tepid, cooked-pork-loin gray. Presumably Mr. Obama has not been employing the skin bleaching techniques of Michael Jackson of late, so it seems likely the network was "softening" his visage for the benefit of those frightened Americans still impaled on the last remaining fence of a thankfully decreasing racial divide.
Sidebar: Yes, Another Disclaimer: I deplore racism in all forms, including well-intentioned producers who decide to do things like this, even for a good cause.
Back to the “undecided voters” for a moment. I truly felt sympathy for these pale, hapless participants who looked more like audience members from a real-estate infomercial as they sat, stiffly clad in their middle-class office-wear, clammy hands clasped tightly in their laps, thin, tense lips pursed and beaded with sweat. They all appeared to have been kidnapped and held hostage, cleverly and quickly snatched from benign American street corners, and smuggled in wordlessly by the candidates’ respective vote-procurers. I am sure that upon their release, having witnessed this debate, they too will elect to skip Thanksgiving dinner this year. Bad memories.
"And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound."
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